Insomnia
by Kel Bebop
Summary: (Excalibur) Soon after her return to Muir Island, Amanda Sefton has a heart-to-heart with another recent arrival, Pete Wisdom.
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: The X-Men, Excalibur, and all related characters are the property  
of Marvel Comics. They are used here without permission, and for entertainment  
purposes only.  
  
"Insomnia" (1/4)  
  
  
"Kurt? You never came to bed. Have you been out here on the balcony all night?"  
  
Amanda Sefton pulled her pink terry cloth robe tightly about her as she stepped  
out onto the balcony of her Central Park South apartment, hoping to coax Kurt  
Wagner in from the pouring rain. Her oldest friend and the abiding love of her  
life, the X-Man known as Nightcrawler remained crouched on the railing, neither  
moving nor responding to her presence.  
  
"Come on in, darling. We'll get you into some dry clothes. I'll put on a pot  
of coffee."  
  
Finally, he turned his head to look back at her, his pupil-less eyes seeming to  
glow with some inner fire. Amanda exhaled in relief when he hopped down from  
his perch and followed her inside.  
  
"Guten Morgen, Liebchen. And how are we this fine and beautiful day?"  
  
His words chilled her. She had never heard that tone of voice from him before.  
The gentle and mannered voice that had whispered endearments so many times in  
the past was now laced with a bitter, hard edge.  
  
Without looking at him, she started to spoon coffee into the filter. "I have  
to work -- an overseas flight. I'll be gone a week. I'll get someone to sub  
for me, Kurt, if you'd rather I stay."  
  
"That won't be necessary." She heard him walk to the liquor cabinet and open  
the brandy decanter. A moment later, she heard the gurgling of brandy being  
poured into a snifter.  
  
Amanda wrinkled her nose at the strong, sweet aroma of the alcohol. Turning to face him, she said, "Isn't it a little early for that?"  
  
"For you, perhaps. For me, it's just what the doctor ordered." He threw his  
head back and downed the entire snifter.  
  
"Kurt, what's wrong?"  
  
"What's wrong?! What isn't wrong, Amanda?" He looked at her with sardonic  
amazement. "When I first joined the X-Men, we were mutants - outcasts from  
human society - but our hearts were light! Every day was an adventure. We  
were the proponents of Professor Xavier's dream, peaceful co-existence between  
mutants and humans. The X-Men made a difference in the world."  
  
He shook his head disgustedly. "Now the dream is dead. The joy, the romance,  
the adventure... it's all gone."  
  
"Why, Kurt? What changed?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand!" He stormed back outside.  
  
Amanda followed him back into the cold rain. "How can I understand if you  
won't talk to me?" she pleaded. "Kurt, I love you. Please, let me help."  
  
"All the things that had meaning for me, all the things that gave my life  
purpose, are dead!" He stared up into the stormy sky. "I don't know who I am  
anymore, Amanda, or even why I am!"  
  
He turned to face her, body tense with anger. "There, my darling," -- he spat  
out the word as if it were an insult -- "now you know! Help me with that!"  
  
Amanda stood in shocked silence, the rain stinging her face. Tentatively, she  
reached out to him and gently clasped his hands in hers. "Kurt..."  
  
He pulled away. "I don't know what's real anymore - when a potion or a power  
or a being can change my mind, my body, even my concept of reality itself!" He  
glared at her suspiciously. "You're a sorceress, Amanda. Do I truly love you,  
or did you use some spell to make me?"  
  
Amanda couldn't move or speak.  
  
"Well? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Kurt stalked towards  
her. "You did, didn't you? You did! You hexed me! YOU FILTHY LITTLE SLUT!   
You seduced me and hexed me to be your little plaything!"  
  
Kurt cocked a fist back as if to strike Amanda. She flinched and closed her  
eyes, bracing for the impact. Tears mingled with the raindrops flowing down  
her face.   
  
"What's this, my darling? Fearful of your lover?" he laughed mockingly as he  
caressed her cheek with the other hand. "You should be!"  
  
She opened her eyes in time to see the approaching blow. The dull crunch of  
bones seemed deafeningly loud to Amanda as Kurt punched his fist straight into  
her chest. She didn't feel the impact so much as the warmth that spread across  
her chest and abdomen. Rich, warm blood turned her robe a glistening red.  
  
Amanda reeled as her lover's features twisted into a distorted demonic visage.   
His fangs bared in a malevolent grin, Kurt pulled her close and whispered into  
her ear, "Tell me, Liebling... have I stolen your heart?"   
  
He shoved her roughly to the floor and dropped a bloody mass of flesh at her  
feet. It was her heart, still beating faintly in a pool of rainwater, pumping  
her blood across the slick balcony floor.   
  
"WORTHLESS BITCH!" he hissed as he moved in for the final blow.  
  
Amanda jerked awake, entangled in soaking sheets, gasping for breath. She  
struggled to sit up, her whole body shuddering violently in the aftermath of  
her nightmare.   
  
'It's only a dream! Only a dream!' She repeated the words over and over in  
her head like a mantra. Gradually, her heartbeat slowed, her breathing  
steadied, and her sense of dread faded. 'Only a dream.'  
  
"But it's true," she murmured angrily, clenching her fists in the clammy  
bedclothes.  
  
Despite its frightening distortions, most of her dream had actually happened.   
After all their years together, after all they had been through as a couple,  
Kurt had actually accused her of using sorcery to make him love her. Had his  
spiteful words cut so deep that her subconscious mind made him into that  
nightmarish monster?   
  
Amanda kicked off the sweat-soaked sheets and got out of bed. Back and forth,  
she paced the room, trying to calm down. Finally, she sank to the carpet in  
lotus position and began a meditation exercise. Usually her attempts to  
meditate were doomed by her impatience, but this time she had all night to get  
it right. Sleep was now out of the question.  
  
Amanda hadn't slept well in days. The nightmares began the day she arrived at  
Dr. Moira MacTaggart's mutant research center on Muir Island. In addition to  
housing the world's foremost genetic research facility, the island was the  
current base of operations for Excalibur, the mutant superhero team dubbed "the  
European X-Men" by the popular media. Amanda had come to Muir to help  
Excalibur at the request of the team's leader: her former lover, Kurt.  
  
Everyone had done their best to make Amanda feel welcome, but the bleak  
Scottish isle haunted her. Simply being there dredged up so many memories that  
she wished to keep buried.  
  
Only a week earlier, she had been back home in New York, trying to return her  
life to some semblance of normalcy. She had gone back to work as a flight  
attendant and moved back in with her old roommate Elizabeth. She had even seen  
a therapist, though she would never admit that to another soul. Amanda was  
starting to feel human again. She enjoyed returning to a life where the  
biggest crises she faced were flight delays and the occasional rude passenger.  
  
Then Amanda came home from work to find the message on her answering machine.   
  
"Amanda... It's Kurt." His voice sounded strained, hesitant. "Mein Gott, it's  
been so long. I... I know that I'm probably the last person you want to hear  
from, and you have every reason to just erase this message right now, but I...  
we... Excalibur needs your help." His next words were almost pleading. "We need your talents, 'Anyfriend'. Please. Contact me on Muir Island and I'll  
explain." He paused. "I... I look forward to seeing you again." For a long  
moment, there was silence, then he said softly, "I hope you're well, Amanda."  
  
"End of messages," a computerized voice announced. The answering machine  
clicked and whirred, then fell silent.  
  
"Oh God. Not him, not now," she whimpered as she sank into an overstuffed easy  
chair. She suddenly felt so weary.  
  
It seemed like ages since she had last seen Kurt, but on reflection Amanda  
realized it had only been a little over a year. Ever since then, she had been  
vainly trying to forget their painful break-up and get on with her life.   
Actually hearing his voice again rubbed the pain raw. The last words he had  
spoken to her were rife with accusation and bitter resentment. On the message,  
his voice sounded desperate and tired. Evidently it had not been a good year  
for him either.   
  
Her first impulse was to dismiss the message. 'No. Excalibur will just have  
to find someone else. I can't do this. Not now. I just can't!'   
  
Amanda changed her clothes and started warm-up stretches for her daily run. As  
she started for the door, her gaze fell on the white plastic box with its  
blinking red light. She exhaled a rueful sigh.   
  
"Anyfriend..."  
  
Amanda picked up a framed photograph from the oak table and wiped a thin layer  
of dust away with her hand. Three children smiled from the worn, faded  
photograph. A petite blonde girl with green eyes clutched a rag doll and  
smiled shyly. A lanky boy with dark hair and warm brown eyes grinned mischievously. An impish blue elf of a boy beamed, the corners of his golden  
pupil-less eyes crinkled in laughter. Herself, her brother, and Kurt as  
childhood friends.  
  
Amanda removed the back of the frame. On the back of the photograph, written  
in a childish scrawl, were the words, "Jimaine, Stefan und Kurt. Immer  
'Irgendfreunde'!" Always 'anyfriends'.  
  
"Any time, any place, anywhere," Amanda murmured, "that's what we promised, no  
matter what."  
  
She replaced the back of the frame and set it on the table next to the  
answering machine. The red message indicator light still blinked. Amanda  
arched her index finger to hit the white "delete" button. Her finger hovered  
over the button.  
  
"No matter what," she whispered.  
  
She hit the blue "play" button and listened to Kurt's message again before  
deleting it.  
  
It only took half an hour for Amanda to pack and make the necessary  
arrangements. She called her supervisor at work to arrange for some emergency  
time-off, then jotted a quick note to Betsy.   
  
While she did a quick visual scan of the apartment to make sure she had  
everything, Amanda uttered an ancient Romany blessing for safe travel. Then  
she slung her bag over one shoulder, took a deep breath, and began the  
incantations of the teleportation spell that would bring her to Muir Island.   
As the spell took effect, Amanda felt the familiar vibrations of magic singing  
along her nerve endings. The room glowed with bright orbs of green and gold  
light. Amanda closed her eyes.  
  
When she opened them a moment later, she was standing at the edge of a rocky  
cliff. The skies above were black with storm clouds, and the sea churned  
violently below her. The icy wind whipped her hair and stung her face. Amanda  
took a step back from her precarious perch and turned around. One hundred  
meters ahead stood the cold concrete and steel buildings that housed the Muir  
Island Mutant Research Center.  
  
"There it is. No turning back now," she whispered as her heartbeat began to  
race.  
  
  



	2. Part 2

"Insomnia" (2/4)  
  
Now it had been a week since Amanda's arrival on Muir. Their work concluded  
successfully, Moira had invited Amanda to stay as a guest for as long as she  
wished. Feeling compelled to face her demons and come to grips with her  
feelings about Kurt, Amanda accepted.   
  
So far, Amanda's demons continued to torment her. Every night she had lain  
awake, plagued with restless thoughts and insecure doubts, unable to relax.  
  
'What the hell am I doing here? Did I really think that coming back to this  
dreadful place would make it all better? What did I expect, some kind of  
fairy-tale reconciliation with Kurt? I'm such a fool!'  
  
Sleep, if it came at all, was dominated by disturbing dreams and horrific  
nightmares. More and more, Amanda realized that coming to Muir had been an  
awful mistake.   
  
Still sitting in lotus position on the floor, Amanda breathed deeply and  
attempted to clear her mind. She tried to ignore the stiffening muscles that  
made the stance uncomfortable to the point of pain.   
  
Goosebumps raised on her arms as the sweat from her nightmare evaporated.   
Amanda shivered and rubbed her bare arms.   
  
"Oh, I give up!" she grumbled in frustration. "If I can't sleep or meditate, I  
might as well do something productive!"  
  
Amanda crept through the darkened corridors until she reached the gym, relieved  
to find it empty. She closed the heavy soundproofed door with a thud and  
flicked on the array of fluorescent lamps.  
  
Outside the gym, Pete Wisdom lit a cigarette and reveled in the quiet. As far  
as he could tell, he was the only person awake on the entire island, and that  
suited him just fine.  
  
"No one to order me around, no bloody useless reports to write... I could get  
spoiled by this," he remarked with a crooked grin.  
  
Pete drew deeply on the cigarette, relishing the warmth in his throat and  
lungs.  
  
'Bollocks to cancer. In my line of work, I'll get snuffed by some psychotic  
git long before my vices do their work.'   
  
He sighed in contentment as he exhaled a cloud of blue-gray smoke into the  
chill night air. He was pondering whether to stay out and light up a second  
when he noticed the brilliant lights of the gym flicker on through the window.   
He glanced down at his wristwatch.   
  
"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed. "Only five minutes past my scheduled time and  
already one of those overmuscled punters has moved in!"  
  
Pete stormed inside, ready to give the intruder a piece of his mind.  
  
"Now listen here, you wanker! It's my turn. You've got exactly three seconds  
to get out or I'll..."   
  
Pete noticed the woman sprinting on the treadmill and stopped short.   
  
'The stewardess. Pryde introduced her a few days ago, said she was an old  
friend of the X-Men. What's her name? Simpson? Sutton? Sefton? That's it.   
Sefton. Amanda Sefton.'   
  
He watched her with a connoisseur's eye. 'Not really my type, but a  
good-looking bird at that. Nice body.'  
  
"OI! SEFTON!" he called out to her, but she didn't turn.   
  
He called again. No answer but the sound of his own voice echoing off the gym  
walls. He walked around towards the front of the treadmill and noticed she was  
plugged into a Walkman, running with her eyes shut tight. Pete stood in front  
of the treadmill, arms crossed impatiently, waiting for Amanda to notice him.   
  
He was debating whether to crank the volume dial to '11' or simply tap the  
woman on her shoulder when she opened her eyes. Amanda gave out a startled cry  
and stumbled to the floor hard, cursing in a language Pete didn't recognize.   
He struggled to suppress a laugh and pressed the emergency stop button. She  
picked herself up from the hardwood floor with a groan.   
  
"What the hell are you trying to do, sneaking up on me like that? You scared  
me half to death!" she suddenly snarled.   
  
"Christ, Sefton, calm down! I was just coming in here to see who snaked my gym  
time. According to MacTaggart's bloody schedule, it's my turn. I called to  
you, but you were pretty wrapped up in your workout. What're you doing down  
here at this ungodly hour?"  
  
"Three guesses." She wiped at her sweaty face and neck with a towel.  
  
"Sweatin' out a bit of that sexual frustration, eh?" Pete chuckled.  
  
She laughed bitterly but didn't reply.  
  
"You're pretty right hardcore, then, aren't you? It seems like every time I  
walk by this door, you're in here sweating it out. You Yanks with your fitness  
fetish!" he scoffed. "You look great, love. Take a day off!"  
  
She scowled at him. "You don't understand. It's not that at all... it's not a  
vanity thing."   
  
"Right. Then why the sweat obsession? I thought I was the only nutter who  
exercised at 2 am!"  
  
"That's none of your business."  
  
"Fine, then. Have it your way. Me, I came to exercise, not to talk. Go on  
with your flogging. Don't mind me." He began a series of slow stretches on  
the mat.  
  
Amanda turned to leave, but lingered at the edge of the mat. She turned back  
to face the lanky Englishman.  
  
"Mr. Wisdom?"  
  
He looked up from his calf stretches, an amused grin playing across his lips.   
"Yes?"  
  
Her sea-green eyes were cool and hard as jade. "Why do you care?"  
  
"Who said I did, Sefton? Maybe I'm just curious."  
  
"Kitty said you were some kind of secret agent..."  
  
Pete wasn't sure he liked where this was going. "Secret agent? Bah! Pryde  
doesn't know what she's talking about!" he scoffed. "I might be on the  
government payrolls, but I'm just an average bloke, working for a living like  
anybody else," the operative fibbed. "Sure, the work can be dodgy sometimes,  
but..."  
  
"So you know how to keep secrets," Amanda cut him off.  
  
"Well, I do have security clearance. Draw your own conclusions."  
  
Suddenly Amanda's steely, cold mask dissolved and Pete saw the woman standing  
in front of him for what she truly was: exhausted, miserable and just a bit  
unbalanced. Her tense, defiant body posture became shaky. Her hard eyes were  
softened by the tears beginning to well up in them.  
  
"Eh, Sefton. Are you all right?"  
  
She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm just... tired." Just as  
quickly, the barriers went back up.  
  
Pete was getting annoyed with the cryptic conversation. He was tempted to just  
walk away and leave Amanda to her workout.  
  
'Hell, if she can't wait till morning for her turn on that overgrown hamster  
wheel, it's not my problem.'   
  
He glanced over at Amanda and immediately the impulse faded.   
  
'Look at her, she's miserable! Someone needs to talk to the woman. It needs  
doing. If the Spandex Brigade is too wrapped up in themselves to notice, then  
I guess it's going to be me.'  
  
"Look, Sefton, I know your buddies in Excalibur think I'm a right bastard, and  
you don't really have any reason to trust me either. But if you want to talk,  
your secrets are safe with me. I promise."   
  
She eyed him suspiciously. "How can I trust you?"  
  
"I give you my word as a gentleman...no, as an agent...no, as an  
Englishman...no...that's no good..." he rolled his eyes skyward as he thought.   
  
Suddenly he exclaimed with a fervor that made Amanda jump, "Right! I give you  
my word as a Man U fan!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Man U. Manchester United. Footie team. Soccer to you Yanks..." he could  
practically see her eyes starting to glaze over. "...uh, but that doesn't really  
matter. What matters is that it's something important to me, right? I promise  
that whatever you tell me stays between us or else I'm through with Man U for  
life!  
  
"Why would you make a promise like that? You don't even know me."  
  
"It needs doing, don't it? Something is bothering you, and you need someone to  
talk to. I mean, look at you... it's obvious you haven't been sleeping very  
well. You're in here sweating all the time. It's just not right. You would  
probably be better off talking to Pryde or Wagner, but if you need to let it  
out now, I'm here."  
  
She exhaled a resigned sigh. "Okay."  
  
Pete sat on the bench and started to roll a cigarette. "Do you mind?" he  
asked, gesturing to his tobacco pouch.  
  
"No. Go ahead."  
  
"Cheers."  
  
She sat down on the bench opposite his. "Are you sure you want to do this?"  
  
"Only if you want to."  
  
She sat staring at her worn Nikes, completely silent.  
  
  



	3. Part 3

"Insomnia" (3/4)  
  
'Right. Anytime you're ready, Sefton. Sometime this year would be nice.'   
  
Pete fumbled with the gummed tobacco papers, completely engrossed in rolling  
the perfect cigarette. It wasn't until he started digging in his pocket for a  
lighter that he looked up. Amanda was standing in front of him, arms extended  
above her head, pulling her T-shirt clear of her long strawberry blond hair.   
Her navy blue sports bra stretched tautly just above Pete's eye level.   
  
The Zippo clattered to the floor and Pete immediately flushed crimson.   
  
"WHOA WHOA WHOA! Sefton! I hardly know you!"  
  
Amanda faced him in her sports bra and sweatpants, arms crossed in annoyance.   
"Don't flatter yourself. If I were trying to seduce you, believe me, you'd  
know it."  
  
He gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "And here I thought you found me dead sexy  
and just couldn't wait to express your true feelings!"  
  
"Very funny," she said sarcastically. "No, what I was trying to do was show  
you this."  
  
Amanda turned her back to Pete and lifted her hair off her neck. A series of  
jagged pink scars slashed across her back, marring the smoothness of her skin.  
  
"Christ! Where on earth did you get those nasty things? Kitty said you were a  
stewardess!"  
  
"I am. But sometimes being a friend of the X-Men can be hazardous to your  
health," she remarked bitterly.  
  
As she pulled her shirt back over her head, Pete asked, "If you don't mind my  
asking, how did it happen?"  
  
Amanda settled back onto the bench across from him. "You ever hear of the  
Reavers?"  
  
"Yeah. Cyborg terrorists what used to operate out of Australia. Real bunch of  
sickos. Tussled with the X-Men a few times."  
  
"The same. I was here on Muir about six months back when the Reavers decided  
to try to take over the island. I was taken for... questioning. Sean rescued  
me..."  
  
"Cassidy."  
  
"Yeah. Sean rescued me, but not before I got a few... souvenirs for being  
uncooperative."  
  
Pete kicked himself mentally for writing her off as a ditzy stewardess. If  
Amanda had survived the Reavers, she was a lot tougher and smarter than he had  
given her credit for.  
  
Amanda said nothing for a long moment, then let out an exhausted sigh. "After  
the Reavers were defeated, I stayed on Muir for my rehabilitation and to help  
with the cleanup. Some really bad things went down." Amanda took a deep  
shuddering breath. "It's not really something I like to talk about."  
  
Pete studied her for a moment. "Why do you want to keep those horrors to  
yourself? Surely at the very least MacTaggart..."  
  
"No. This is her island, remember. She was here too... she has her own scars.   
She has her own problems to deal with."  
  
"What about Wagner or Pryde? Why don't you tell them?"  
  
"Tell them what? That I was nearly killed because the X-Men are my friends?   
That the only reason I was on Muir in the first place was because I was looking  
for Kurt? What would you tell them?"  
  
Amanda brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The  
gesture was familiar to Pete. His sister used to do the same thing when they  
were kids, when the monsters in the closet became too scary to bear.   
  
He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Is that why you're here?"  
  
Amanda nodded silently and blinked away tears. "Partly. I thought I could run  
away from it, but the scars run deep. I'm so tired of being a victim. I need  
to face my demons. Get over my fears."   
  
Pete gently squeezed her shoulder in what he hoped would be a reassuring  
gesture.   
  
"It's funny," she continued, "I was doing fine. Sure, maybe I was in denial,  
but I had my life in order. I was starting to move on. I was working again.   
But even after all this time, I dropped everything and ran to Kurt! God, what  
the hell is wrong with me? Am I that pathetically co-dependent?"  
  
"Now, love, you're being pretty hard on yourself," Pete said calmly.  
  
"No, it's true!" she exclaimed. "He pushes me out of his life and ignores me  
for more than a year, then out of the blue he calls me and what do I do? I  
come running to his side again! HERE, to the place where I've had the worst  
days of my entire life!" Her voice grew increasingly loud and strained. "And  
for WHAT? Love? Sex? Friendship? A simple apology? NO! A pat on the  
shoulder and a 'thank you'. I'm a human being, not a trained dog!" Amanda's  
eyes flashed with anger as she clenched her hands into tight fists.   
  
"You're not going to hit me, are you?" Pete inquired, only half-kidding.  
  
Amanda looked down at her hands.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly as she relaxed.  
  
"There's a girl. Now, tell me something, Sefton. Why are you here? I mean,  
if Wagner hurt you that badly, then why did you come to bail him out? Me, I  
would've let him dangle."  
  
She sighed. "You don't understand. Our relationship goes a lot deeper than  
just romance. Kurt and I grew up together. When we were kids, we swore that  
we would always be there for each other. Any time, any place, anywhere, no  
matter what."  
  
"'No matter what'. That means you overlook the fact that he screwed you over?"  
Pete was incredulous.  
  
"It's a special obligation. I don't expect you to understand, Wisdom."  
  
"No, I don't understand. Obviously this 'special obligation' doesn't mean much  
to Wagner, because he sure as hell hasn't been there for you!"  
  
"That's not true!"  
  
"Sefton, he tossed you out like rubbish! I think that makes your little  
agreement null and void. You don't owe him anything."  
  
Amanda glared at Pete. "You're wrong."  
  
"I'm wrong? You're kidding me! When's the last time you took an objective  
look at your relationship with Wagner? It's not exactly healthy, you know!"  
  
"You have no right to judge me!"  
  
"I'm not judging you, love. I'm simply making an observation about you and  
Wagner's bizarre relationship."  
  
They stared at each other for a few moments, scowling in silence.  
  



	4. Part 4

"Insomnia" (4/4)  
  
Finally, Pete spoke up. "Stalemate," he laughed. "'Strewth! You're  
stubborn!"  
  
"So are you."  
  
"All part and parcel of the Wisdom charm."  
  
"And I bet you wonder why you don't get more dates." Her voice dripped  
sarcasm.  
  
"You mean to say you're not totally enthralled by my presence?" he asked in  
mock amazement.  
  
Amanda rolled her eyes.  
  
"Ouch. You injure me, dear lady! Let's get back to the subject at hand before  
my fragile male ego crumbles to dust!" Pete quipped.   
  
"You're not going to let this drop, are you?" asked Amanda.  
  
Pete grinned in return. "Not a chance."  
  
"Serves me right for playing show-and-tell," Amanda pouted. "Fine. Let's get  
this over with."   
  
His crooked grin faded. "Right. We've established that you still care about  
Wagner. Why aren't you having this discussion with him?"  
  
Her shoulders slumped. "He's made it pretty apparent that he doesn't want me  
in his life."  
  
"Have you asked him?"  
  
"I don't need to," she replied matter-of-factly.  
  
"'You don't need to?!'" he exclaimed in exasperation. "I don't believe this!   
How the bloody hell do you know he doesn't want you if you don't talk to him?"  
  
Amanda narrowed her eyes. "I've known Kurt my entire life, Wisdom. I know him  
as well as I know myself. I think I have some idea." The tone of her voice  
was frosty cold.  
  
Pete snorted.  
  
"Would you mind telling me what's so damn funny?"  
  
"You X-folk are a bunch of masochists. Whine, whine, whine! Is there a single  
functional relationship among the lot of you? Do you all enjoy being  
miserable? Why do you make it so hard on yourselves? You and Wagner have a  
long history. You said yourself that you hated this place and would never have  
come back if he hadn't called you for help. Obviously, you care for him."  
  
"Of course I do. I love him, " Amanda murmured.  
  
"And obviously he still thinks something of you, otherwise he wouldn't have  
called you in the first place. I mean, it's not like there aren't a few local  
blokes who can work a little magic. Wagner could've easily called in one of  
the locals."  
  
"So? What's your point?"  
  
"'What's my point?!' So what's with this 'he doesn't want me' talk? Stop  
making yourself miserable! Bloody hell, stop making me miserable! Stop  
feeling sorry for yourself and talk to him, you silly bird! For all you know,  
he's annoying one of his teammates with the same self-pitying crap you're  
giving me. The way I see it, you've got nowt to lose, 'cept maybe some workout  
time."  
  
She sat silent for a long moment, then chuckled ruefully. "I guess I have been  
hanging around the X-Men too long."  
  
"You're practically an X-Man by default."  
  
"Am I a pathetic nutcase or what? 'Masochistic sorceress stewardess mutant  
groupies... on the next Jerry Springer Show!'"  
  
"That explains the Bionic Woman routine."  
  
Pete was pleasantly surprised when Amanda flashed him a beautiful smile.   
  
"Yeah, I sort of got carried away with the working out, didn't I? I guess I  
thought that maybe if I were stronger physically, it would be harder for the  
next psycho who had a beef with the X-Men to victimize me. Not too neurotic,  
huh?"  
  
"But aren't you a sorceress?"  
  
"Yep. But my skills haven't proven very useful in combat."  
  
"Can't you just, you know, zap them or liquefy their brains or... "  
  
Amanda wrinkled her nose in disgust. "No! I won't use magic to hurt or kill  
someone willfully. I made that choice a long time ago. I won't taint my soul  
that way."  
  
"Right. But aren't there other spells you can learn that will disable an  
enemy? Non-lethal ones? Turn 'em into pigeons or something? Then you can  
leave the rest to us unscrupulous types!"  
  
"Of course there are, but mastery of the Arts can take a lifetime. It's a very  
demanding discipline," she muttered sheepishly.  
  
"And you have a day job."  
  
"Exactly. My mother devoted her entire life to studying magic, but I never  
wanted that. I just wanted a nice, boring, normal life."  
  
"I guess hanging out with the X-Men sort of dashed that 'boring, normal life'  
all to pieces, eh?"  
  
"Oh, the irony," Amanda intoned sarcastically.  
  
The X-Men seemed to be a sore point with Amanda. Pete decided a change of  
subject was in order. "So, Sefton... you're looking for a way to defend yourself  
that doesn't involve magic?"  
  
Amanda nodded. "Stupid, huh?"  
  
"No, no, not at all. It's just that... well..."  
  
Amanda arched an eyebrow. "What?"  
  
"Er... um...you've done a wonderful job of getting in shape, and I'm sure all the  
men around here appreciate your hard work," he cleared his throat, "but the  
only way it's going to help you in an attack is that you'll be able to run away  
faster. No offense."  
  
"None taken. I've just never been taught to defend myself. I mean, at work we  
were trained to be passive when a passenger got violent. They thought it was  
safer for everyone that way," she snorted, "as if they had to worry about the  
flight attendants kicking ass all over the cabin. 'Please place your seats and  
tray tables in the upright position... sir, please SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP before I  
break my foot off in your ass!'"  
  
"I'd pay to see that!" Pete laughed.  
  
Amanda snickered, "I'd be lying if I said that I've never fantasized about  
beating one of the jerks from First Class into submission."   
  
Pete grinned evilly as an idea began to take shape. "I'll tell you what,  
Sefton. I'll make a deal with you."  
  
"Oh? This should be interesting."  
  
"You talk to Wagner and make with the nicey-nice..."  
  
Amanda started to protest when Pete stopped her with his best "I mean business"  
glare.  
  
"I'm not telling you to go and shag him rotten. Just talk to the man! I'm  
getting sick of all the bloody angst around here. Tell him how you feel, let  
him tell you how he feels, and get it all out."  
  
"That's none of your business."  
  
"You made it my business when you spilled your guts, Sefton."  
  
Amanda grumbled a few choice insults under her breath.  
  
"Oh stop, you'll hurt my feelings," he remarked sarcastically. "Hear me out.   
I'm trying to help you. If you talk to Wagner and bury the hatchet, I will  
teach you how to fight, my way. You're a stubborn thing, and I can tell you've  
got one hell of a nasty streak. You've got potential. We'll make a scrapper  
out of you yet."  
  
"You want to teach me how to fight?"   
  
"Don't act so surprised. I may not be the secret agent man Kitty told you  
about, but I am a government-trained killer," he stated with genuine pride. "I  
was one of the best... still am! I can teach you a few basic defensive skills or  
we can go all out. It's up to you."  
  
Amanda said nothing, but it was clear to Pete that she was considering the  
offer.  
  
"You want to teach me how to kill?" she finally asked hesitantly.  
  
Pete laughed, "Spoil sport! Fine. If you want to take the high road, then  
I'll teach you non-lethal force only." His icy blue eyes gleamed with  
mischief. "But that don't mean it can't hurt like a bugger!"  
  
"What do you get out of it?" she smirked.  
  
He could barely suppress a delighted grin. "Besides regular aerobic exercise  
with a gorgeous lady like yourself?" Pete leered as Amanda rolled her eyes.   
"It will annoy the hell out of Wagner to learn that I'm going to be teaching  
his sweetheart how to fight dirty! I can see it now: Sefton's Revenge! 'Ach  
du Lieber, schveetie! Bitte removen youren kneesen from meine vindpipen!   
Ow-ow-ow, it hurtsen!' Ha ha ha! Finally, an opportunity to tweak that  
Teutonic sense of honor!"  
  
Amanda frowned and shook her head. For a moment, Pete worried that he had  
crossed the line. Then a devilish grin slowly spread across her features.   
  
"C'mon Sefton. What do you say?" He extended a hand.  
  
"Mr. Wisdom, you have yourself a deal." She laughed and shook his outstretched  
hand.  
  
"First lesson, Grasshopper. Cut the formalities. Call me Pete."  
  
"Okay, Pete, but only if you call me Amanda. Not Sefton and especially not  
Mandy. Call me Mandy and you die."  
  
"I'd like to see you try, Mandy! Now go get some sleep. We start tomorrow...  
provided you keep your part of the deal."  
  
Pete was still cackling with malevolent delight when Amanda opened the heavy  
soundproofed door to leave. "GOODNIGHT MANDY!" he sang out loudly.  
  
Amanda smiled innocently and extended her middle finger as she shut the door  
behind her.  
  
As she showered away the sweat and grime from her workout, Amanda reflected on  
her discussion with Pete. It certainly didn't assuage all the tension and  
anxiety she was feeling, but it was exactly what she had needed. It felt good  
to talk, and even better to laugh. Pete was a surprisingly attentive and  
thoughtful listener.   
  
'I wonder why everyone in Excalibur seems to dislike him so much. Sure he's  
crude and obnoxious, but he seems to be a decent person. So far he's the only  
person on this island who has bothered to talk to me at any length.'  
  
Amanda glanced at the bedside table as she crawled under the covers. The clock  
read 4:00 am. Only a few hours until the other inhabitants would begin to  
stir. She stretched out and closed her eyes. She tried to think of what she  
would say to Kurt in the morning, playing out different scenarios in her mind.   
  
  
Eventually, exhaustion won out over anxiety. The tension in her body relaxed,  
and the doubts seemed to fade away into the darkness. For the first time in  
many days, Amanda Sefton fell into a deep, tranquil slumber.  
  
  
  



End file.
